tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535237502203989352.post6254174013233323893..comments2024-03-20T00:16:36.264-07:00Comments on 2nd Sex: The Other Elephant in the RoomLillie Yifuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10647849826458298630noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535237502203989352.post-91241112207077782122007-07-16T11:55:00.000-07:002007-07-16T11:55:00.000-07:00I am a married woman who recently left SL because ...I am a married woman who recently left SL because of my romantic involvement with several SL single men. I kept my relationships with these men secret from my husband. I did not join SL to get 'messed' up in this..it seems that romance found me after connecting on an emotional level with a particular single player. We had so much fun together and I have laughed so much in the last couple of months with him. He was more than 20 years my junior. What's strange is that we never talked about love or emotions...just that we had fun together. Problem was...I was falling in love with him and was falling out of love with my RL husband.<BR/><BR/>My husband found out about my forays and I decided to stop 'cold' turkey and cancelled my SL account. I have hurt my husband terribly and now he doubts that I want to continue on in my relationship with him. I am confused at this point because I am grappling with the loss of my SL friend even though he is someone who I can never have (and he would never have me I'm sure).<BR/><BR/>I am trying to rebuilt a relationship with my RL husband but it is hard because I am also grieving the loss of a love no matter how far fetched it was.<BR/><BR/>My recommendation to any married women out there...don't do it...you're only going to be faced with heartache and the potential end of your marriage with many people getting hurt.MarriedLosthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18405344602172328256noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535237502203989352.post-89138056635711879232007-06-29T12:00:00.000-07:002007-06-29T12:00:00.000-07:00It's alright London, I still feel I was in the wro...It's alright London, I still feel I was in the wrong and speaking on anger because of my current situation, it was not an implication that all married women in SL are like this, only that I've had a rash of bad luck in that department.Jazon Beckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03653766895389057316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535237502203989352.post-3189969602668907892007-06-29T07:24:00.000-07:002007-06-29T07:24:00.000-07:00I am a married woman, and though I don't play an e...I am a married woman, and though I don't play an escort, I do spend the evenings of my sl time as a dancer at a club. I spent a lot of time fending off guys who only wanted a brief fling without paying an escort. As a natural flirt, I had no trouble getting their attention. About 6 mo ago I met a guy at the club I work at who interested me and wasn't only interested in my sl body. So I started spending more and more time with him. He taught me building skills and we became close friends. I started to notice that he was basically the same person as my husband. With a smile I introduced the two ( as my husband gets on sl every so often and had heard me talk about this guy) and they are good friends as well now. So my new found friend and I play out a relationship online. It keeps the unwanted rude guys at bay, he also has helped me focus on the business side that I had been grasping at for months. <BR/><BR/>I can understand what you mean by married women creating areas around them that feel like home. My friend and I have together purchased some land and built a house. Our friends come over and it feels like my vacation home.Ekio Locatiarehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17355763033998133832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535237502203989352.post-61095845215205664132007-06-29T06:00:00.000-07:002007-06-29T06:00:00.000-07:00Jazon, I was expecting insults and was ready to ig...Jazon, I was expecting insults and was ready to ignore them; now I feel ashamed, because not only I didn't had the right to attack you in public (or in IM), but because what hurted more about your post is that you where partly right. <BR/><BR/>I am being unfaithfull and taking too many risks, and when I forget for a second how happy I am for all the love I have in both worlds, it crush me with fear.<BR/><BR/>I always say that love at SL comed to me like a surprise that I wasn't able to avoid, and it is true... but it happened twice; I should had never come back to SL after the first time, that btw, ended in a horrible fuck-up, bigger than yours.<BR/><BR/>After six months the temptation was too big, and I convinced myself I could keep my emotions at bay...<BR/><BR/>I met Natsumi in one of the lowest moments I lived at SL; it took weeks for her to rescue me from it, and meanwhile I restored her faith in this virtual species (aka, not all of us are of the "yo'r cute, wanna fuck" condition). I loved her from the first day.<BR/><BR/>Lillie, I am not saying you are wrong, only that it isn't my case. I am too selfish to be a mentor, maybe too much even for a sisterhood. <BR/><BR/>My life out of here is whole and I worry about keeping her in a relation with no RL hope, keeping her from meeting a lover that can share with her the pass of the years, but I continue sinning.<BR/><BR/>when I write at my blog I keep my eyes centered in the power and wonders of love, because I know I am tightrope walking the abyss.<BR/><BR/>I love how you described it: "beautiful and monstrous, powerful and feeble, poetic and crude, ennobling and corrupting."<BR/><BR/>Jazon, I want to apologize again for my rudeness; I hope you understand it was my fear and anger talking.London Spenglerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18381079971368238015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535237502203989352.post-69695990057103246182007-06-29T04:40:00.000-07:002007-06-29T04:40:00.000-07:00Well I have known someone who is a guy and plays w...Well I have known someone who is a guy and plays women online and has for so long he'd fool almost anyone... And as someone who is a woman RL and who back in the day played as a man (because pre-SL, heck pre-2000) men outnumbered women, so harassment was much much worse... I have a few comments on the gender bending concept...<BR/><BR/>First I think you do a disservice to some of them... It's not always about playing the role to try to have lesbian sex... A good imitator is one who is willing to play both sides... The one I know I meet because we were both amazing text based teases... It was ironic back then that I was playing the male side and he was playing the female... I still know him today and it''s even harder to tell the difference now that he's been doing it for years... RL he's the type of guy most women say they want... Sensitive, romantic, and the whole family type... But as with most cruel twists of fate most single women don't really want that... They want to 'tame' the bad boy... & he calls himself plain and uninteresting physically from thousands of others... So what did he do to feed his need for intimate and physical attention he couldn't get online...? He went online looking for it... & still couldn't find it with so many other guys around... So he decided to pretend to be a woman and he'd reverse the roles in his head... Imagine what he'd want said to him and used that to create a concept of himself as a woman...<BR/><BR/>I felt much the same, though as I'm bi leaning heavily toward being lesbian because guys don't tend to keep my interest for long... And feeling the pressures RL to be 'normal' (aka heterosexual) I fled to the online world to be myself... Only to find women were overwhelmed more than 10:1 back then and you couldn't go for more than a couple minutes without some guy trying to talk you into his 'virtual bed'... So Ironically I started to play a guy to avoid that while still being able to find 'women'... It's only recently I've gone back to playing a woman and actually being myself...<BR/><BR/>We were way to much alike, it's why we are still friends today... Though we don't tend to hang in the same virtual circles anymore... But I know his story and resonate with it.<BR/><BR/>In his case though he doesn't get bothered about being with another guy online... For him that's just the same reversal of fantasy as he uses all the time... And these days he doesn't go looking for sex, Though sex seems to find him just the same, It's more about friendship and attention... He still has the same issues RL with women that made him go online in the first place and you'd probably never notice him in a crowd, but online he's a diva with adoring fans male and female... And in the end he hurts no one... No one ever knows 'she's' really a 'he', because the role is so perfect it makes no difference...<BR/><BR/>& really to me I think it would be horrible to ruin that for him...theshadowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16488523944136673606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535237502203989352.post-61381870633709747362007-06-29T01:59:00.000-07:002007-06-29T01:59:00.000-07:00London,I'm sorry I hurt your feelings with some of...London,<BR/>I'm sorry I hurt your feelings with some of the things I've said. That rant was just fueled from me being frustrated with my self and I picked a poor outlet. You are very right about everything you said about me. And again I'm sorry for the offense.<BR/><BR/>JazonJazon Beckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03653766895389057316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535237502203989352.post-81363838338863634222007-06-29T01:54:00.000-07:002007-06-29T01:54:00.000-07:00We are all fools for love from time to time London...We are all fools for love from time to time London. <BR/><BR/>I take your points about your own love, how can I claim to know what is private between you and another? But I do wish to understand, because it is far from uncommon. I've seen people leave sl because of the tensions that these relationships create. And drama? No shortage of it.<BR/><BR/>I think that everyone who comes and stays in sl is searching for human contact, and that sexualized relationships are one form of contact that is particularly explosive. The role that married women play in the SL ecology of relationships is important, to me, personally, and I think, to any understanding of sl and its import.<BR/><BR/>Much of what makes SL worth being in, for me, is how many women come here, and procede to flower as creators of community, space and activity. And that energy flows out into sl in different ways.<BR/><BR/>On the other hand, I see how the same effects create tensions that ripple outwards. <BR/><BR/>Married women having sl sex and carrying on sl relationships is, as I noted in the beginning, the other elephant in the room of SL. It is, like any human love, beautiful and monstrous, powerful and feeble, poetic and crude, ennobling and corrupting.<BR/><BR/>But it is, and is different, and needs to be written and sung of.Lillie Yifuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10647849826458298630noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535237502203989352.post-87472503383374169372007-06-28T23:56:00.000-07:002007-06-28T23:56:00.000-07:00*sighs* I hate when this happens; I get pissed off...*sighs* I hate when this happens; I get pissed off and then come the regrets.<BR/><BR/>Jason, I still think that you are too self compasive and like drama a bit too much (am I or aren't I great at writing apologices? :-p), but I hadn't right to judge you for what you wrote.<BR/><BR/>I know that when we are in pain we say any silly old thing and I think the worst sin of infidelity is how it thieves time from the ones who need and rightfully deserve it; just what you accused Kiara of.<BR/><BR/>Accept my apologices but, please, look at your inner self and check if you really compromise with your loved ones here... I cannot say it from the outside.London Spenglerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18381079971368238015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535237502203989352.post-13014291706639754232007-06-28T23:13:00.000-07:002007-06-28T23:13:00.000-07:00Lillie, your post made me thing about a possible s...Lillie, your post made me thing about a possible sisterhood current between us (Nat and I) more than a mentorship. *sighs*. Anyway, most of the time she she is more mature than I _p.<BR/><BR/>Jason... You seem to forget that most married woman doesn't come here looking for love; maybe I experimented a bit (ok, a lot more than a bit), but don't think for a moment I wanted to spend sleepless, guilty nights.<BR/><BR/>I've readed your blog the first time Lillie mentioned it; maybe I am wrong, but you wanted a relation and payed Myisti for it? <BR/><BR/>Of couse is a mistake that can happen but, sigh... I even can understand you proposed to Nesca and leaved her in a depression moment but, what happened to her later? You leaved her crying and later restored your life and? Did you forgot about her or only to write about her?<BR/><BR/>Kiara. Your own words:<BR/>"she's really shined some light on this life"<BR/>"I became a greedy bastard and almost lost a golden chance at true love and happiness"<BR/>"It was so not worth the heartache, and I'm still trying to piece together why I chased after her knowing that it was going to end just like this."<BR/><BR/>Jason, maybe I am guilty of finding love and following it when I shouldn't, but don't accuse me of playing games. Take on married PEOPLE if you want (aren't husbands at SL, too, or you asume they are playing a game?) but read your own blog and make all your partners a favour.<BR/><BR/>Mature.London Spenglerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18381079971368238015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535237502203989352.post-54614851548796957982007-06-28T22:59:00.000-07:002007-06-28T22:59:00.000-07:00Yeah I am trying to do it a bit ass backwards, rea...Yeah I am trying to do it a bit ass backwards, really I'm just trying to catch a fireflies with my hands at the moment, I'm just wanting this magic feeling so much that I'm trying to pull it out of a hat.Jazon Beckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03653766895389057316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535237502203989352.post-37819031318249295162007-06-28T20:41:00.000-07:002007-06-28T20:41:00.000-07:00Know what you want Jazon. I think that it would be...Know what you want Jazon. I think that it would be better for you to find an rl girl and bring her in world, than to try and find an sl girl and bring her to rl. It's easier to go in here from there, than to go there from here.Lillie Yifuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10647849826458298630noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535237502203989352.post-92050548968439720262007-06-28T17:33:00.000-07:002007-06-28T17:33:00.000-07:00This was an excellent Post Lillie, I've kind of be...This was an excellent Post Lillie, I've kind of been waiting for you to do this one, and yes all too many times the single person is the one who turns into the door mat. You get wrapped up in the fantasy and just as it gets molded into something perfect, beautful and true they say something to the effect of: "Oh honey, it's only a game, I could never really do those things we planned it was more like a dream, you know like two teenagers planning their life together." I've heard almost that exact line more than one time in my Second Life. Then people wonder why you can't find any decent guys in SL, the good ones start to go the way of to do-do after being thrown under a bus a few too many times, but one day I'll learn, I'm just not ready to give up yet.Jazon Beckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03653766895389057316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535237502203989352.post-22016809800964564512007-06-28T15:40:00.000-07:002007-06-28T15:40:00.000-07:00You know, thinking on it, in ancient times it was ...You know, thinking on it, in ancient times it was normal for an older man to take a younger man as a lover, and act as a mentor. Perhaps what we are seeing on sl is a reflection of this old pattern.Lillie Yifuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10647849826458298630noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535237502203989352.post-27547415594727264192007-06-28T15:33:00.000-07:002007-06-28T15:33:00.000-07:00Hmmm, I think it goes in cycles for me. There are ...Hmmm, I think it goes in cycles for me. There are times when I seem to be finding, or perhaps seeking out, the points of SL that bite and chaffe.Lillie Yifuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10647849826458298630noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535237502203989352.post-48237427004999711322007-06-28T14:04:00.000-07:002007-06-28T14:04:00.000-07:00I've noticed that lately a lot of your posts took ...I've noticed that lately a lot of your posts took a darker, bitter tone. I am not saying they aren't your true self... how could I? I don't know you.<BR/><BR/>But with this one you showed me things that I didn't knew, or hadn't realice (Natsumi, my SL love, is single and 12 years younger than me), and you did it with a sweet, quiet passion that I hadn't seen... I am not sure, maybe since you wrote "A Moment".<BR/><BR/>*smiles* Maybe I am ignoring stronger, well written posts, only because I don't identify with them as much than with this ones but, anyway, it is good to have back that side of you; it feels warm and homely.London Spenglerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18381079971368238015noreply@blogger.com