Sunday, December 9, 2007

Chat me up: A short guide to scoring at phats.

A short primer to scoring at Phat Cats.

I love Phats, that is Phat Cat's Jazzy Lounge to the uninitiated, almost everyone who loves romance on Second Life does. It's an institution. There are other good ballrooms, but for that killer combination of shopping and dancing, Phats is still the tops. So if you were to meet me at Phats, and are looking not to pay for sex, then how should you do it? Lots of men want sex, and I think this is great, because sex is your best entertainment value. But many don't know the way to chat their way to the bedroom, and as a result, don't get there as much as they want. This seems to be true RL as well as SL.

First, there is no such thing as free sex. You pay in money, romance, time or selection. Many guys take some while to catch on to a simple fact: just propositioning every lady, woman or girl you run across is not really effective, and going to places where women are openly seeking just an act of virtual fornication right now, tends to be disappointing.

Spending some time on yourself helps, if you can't finish your avie, you probably can't finish me. But even in stock newbie, you can do well if you now how to move your fingers. The plan is simple, and the reason it works is because many men, especially men who have been in, are in, or are coming out of sexless relationships tend to develop the sense that there is a limited supply of female desire, and that they just have to check at the right time. Consequently they kick almost every one they meet to see if that is enough to start the motor. Bad strategy. Guys hope to get lucky, men get it.

When you go to Phats your first order of business is to get to the dance floor, without rushing there. Bumping and plowing into people is a good way to make a bad impression. Let yourself rez a bit, and also pop up the mini-map. See those green dots? Those green dots are other avatars, and you don't want to charge through them. This is a game, it is not Australian Rules Football.

When you get to the area outside of the dance floor, wait and look. You are hunting right? So look at the prey. Fine, you've seen… me. Whoever me is of course. Now don't just say "Hi, do you like SL sex?" That's a good way to find out how sharp a tongue I've got.

Instead chatting up involves kindling interest by talking about me, talking about you, and turning that into "us" and "we." You can do the you or me parts in either order.

Talking about me: don't deliver general compliments first. Save those for later. Instead compliment something specific: one of my interests, my dress if it is different, the way I am put together. We are all pretty here, but we all want to know that you've noticed something different. That this isn't just fishing in another pocket for a loose bit of change. A specific compliment should be open ended so as to encourage me to talk about my adventures in SL, or my frustrations. If adventures, respond with some of your own, or an offer to adventure with me. "You love the Botanical Gardens? You should show me your favorite spot." DOn't be put off if I say "sometime..." at first.

Talking about you: I want to know about two things more than anything else: your future and your feelings. This is because I want to know that "we" might have a future, lord is that powerful aphrodisiac, and I want to know about your ability to feel, because it is an indicator of your ability to feel for me. But just as when I flirt with you, I don't talk about your cock directly, but instead indirectly, when you flirt with me, don't emote too much, because it looks like an act or like it is about you.

Remember: open ended, invitation to talk about feelings and future.

One great line is to talk about a philosophy of life, in a sentence. "I wish people would open their eyes more to the small beauties in the world." Remember that one of the time honored roads in, is to get a conversation going about how other people don't get it. I like to complain, get it so that we are complaining about them, and suddenly the conversation is an us thing. And it can turn very spicy very quickly, because, guess what, I may have sex on my mind too, just gourmet sex, not McSex.

Us. That's what it has to get to. To get there, and the point where you are ready to leave Phats behind, you need to think of where to go next. If I am a newbie, then your favorite freebie place. Taking a girl to get the Mystitool is often a winner, because it is a must have that isn't all over the guide books. Or to use hair coupons. If I am mid-experienced, then a place that is like some of the things in my groups: "You love art? I have got to take you to Roma…" If I am experienced, then I've been down the chat up road before myself. Good signs of this are lots of groups, land owning, lots of picks, and well put together avatar. Best approach here? Ask me.

And then, and then, you are ready to move it to a smaller dance hall, to your place, or the place we've just both been talking about. That takes us beyond chatting up, and ready to getting down. It is about time to deliver that general hot compliment, about time to tell me how wonderful it was, about time to say something that, at least seems like, real emotional vulnerability. "Gasp!" you are thinking, do you mean a relationship? Not necessarily, just that the first orifice of mine you have got to get in, is my ears.


  1. Delightful, insightful, incitful read. As usual.

  2. I started to write a comment on how I go about chatting up, but it turned out to be almost as long as your post, so I emailed it :)

  3. Speaking as a woman who mostly dates other women... I can saw that this is in fact what I do when I see a woman I like RL/SL whatever...

    Though I have the added issue of trying to discreetly find out their sexual leanings... That often leads to gaining friends who you were hoping more from... Men have it so easy if they'd stop thinking with their hormones and chat us up first...

  4. Excellent advice, Lillie ! However, as a man I may attracted to a tasteful avatar, but what keeps ME interested is the brain that created her.

    There are indeed some bubble-headed women out there, alongside a troop of grunting guys.

    PS: How do we read Casius' comment?

  5. Casius could teach a graduate seminar on seduction dear...

  6. "There are indeed some bubble-headed women out there, alongside a troop of grunting guys."

    sooo true. But then SL is a bit less prone to outbreaks of the bimbonic plague.