Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Cosmo gets all duh about sex again

Right now Cosmopolitan has an article that shrieks that it is about 10 things he wants in bed! And then turns out to say mind numbingly obvious things: sometimes he wants to take you, sometimes he wants to lie back and be pleased, sometimes he wants you to get yourself hot, sometimes he wants to seduce you, sometimes he wants it to come out of nowhere, sometimes he wants to plan it all day. Sometimes...

Well, you get the idea. Fashion magazines have been recycling these "maybe cold, maybe hot, chance of showers, maybe not" articles for a long time. But they don't really get at what makes sex in a relationship work.

I think there are two big sex secrets. Men have to never take it for granted. Women have to never use sex only as a reward for things being perfect. These are the two killers I see over and over again in relationships. At a certain point, the guy things that the girl is like his reliable pick up truck or computer. Turn it on, and it works. Maybe it needs some maintenance from time to time. Get a quick nookie, and the go off to watch some sports or kill some time in a guy way.

So that is my piece of counter advice. Guys, whenever you are just killing time, spend it on her. You know when you are killing time.. Do you really need to read every football commentator, is there really any value to spending time staring at one more screen of porn? Do you really need to send off one more email in that internet flame war, or run through your circle of favorite sites one more time in hopes that something has happened in your world in the last 10 minutes? If you are pushing the reload button on sites just to get a fix of stimulation... it is definitely time to be asking yourself what chore needs to be done, whether she's also alone killing time with a stupid romance novel.

The time you kill, kills your love as well.

Girls! Don't be a ho!

That's my simple advice. A ho is someone who always wants payment for sex. The moment having sex with you is all about doing what you want, when you want it, the way you want or there is no sex. Congratulations dear, you are a ho.

Now the problem with being a ho is really simple. Your competition is giving it away for free, and by the time you are doing this, he's probably killing time. That means he can kill time cruising the internet for sex.

You see when you first started having sex, you had sex with him for all kinds of reasons. Simple dividing line: after you get all emotional and carrying on and crying, is the next thing that happens sex? If not, then the relationship is in trouble, because guys put up with our emotional storms, because they think that the next thing that happens is we run to them, hold them, and have sex. Or at least give them a clear shot to get us all hot and bothered.

So those are my two sex tips: killing time kills love. And don't be a ho.

Because when a guy is killing time looking for sex on the internet, he's likely to find it. And she will undercut you dear. Most assuredly.

And guys, if she is in a room alone stewing, then when she finally does letting all the anger out, it isn't going to lead to hot make up sex, but that cold give the back night where both people wonder what they doing there.

1 comment:

  1. Great one. I do have one objection though
    Men have to never take it for granted.
    Yes, sometimes they do. Not always. More like a surprise.