Friday, May 18, 2007

Sex 360: How to Have Good SL Sex

Around 9 SLT I went Shemale Sanctuary I picked up a very very very pretty shemale, with a luminous skin and big eyes. At first she thought I wanted to have sex on the 15 framer attached to a table, but I told her I wanted to go back to my place. We had terrible sl sex. The word in the business is zombie sex, just as away campers with anti-idle set (so they don't get logged out) are called zombies. A zombie facial is a blow job where you do all the work and they just sit there. I'd have had sex with her again, if it had been worth having for me. She enjoyed it of course. At the end, I told her that there wasn't any more. It felt terrible saying it, because she was pretty pretty pretty.

Body by venus, cocksmanship by pluto.

The whole point was I was looking for a guy who wouldn't commit the two great sins of guy sl sex. The first is rolling over and playing dead, the second is telling the girl what she is supposed to be feeling, and deliberately typing things that are designed to shock the rl player in a kind of virtual violation. OK there are lots of sl girls who get off on this, but not me. Mostly.

Seriously, they have cock rings to keep blood in a man's member after he has come so he can keep at it. I want to try the experiment of fitting one around his neck, because it seems like all the blood drains from his head at the wrong moments.

If you want to know why I charge for virtual sex, it's because most people who want virtual sex, are so baaaaaaad at it. If it is about you just getting what you want, why should I take up my time for nothing? The toys, the experience, even the internet connection, weren't free for me. The people who loudly proclaim they don't pay for sex are often really saying they only rape stupid girls who don't know any better.

Yes I was going to post the free make over guide, but this was just so important to me to write about, that I couldn't finish it without getting this down first.

This brings me to haveing good sex on sl. You don't have to use all the tools all the time, but if you never use the tools, you are missing out.

The first tool of good sl sex is, of course the chat/IM window. If you aren't typing well, well, you aren't doing anything but lining up dummies on poseballs and watching them while you... fill in your favorite verb here.

There are several tools in chat, including gestures for sounds and other commands. But let me cover the two most important ones. One is, of course, what you say. If your whole sex dialog doesn't get pased your native language's version of "I love you" and "I feel so good", then the dialog isn't very interesting. One of the sexiest things in sl sex is watching someone go from dialog down to grunts and squeels, because you know that you are virtually, and literarily, fucking the brains out. But in order to fuck their brains out, as a friend tells me, it helps if the partner has a brain to start with.

This means that telling the other person exactly how you feel, in more detail, helps a lot. Talking about your own needs and wants, helps alot. Relating this to things behind the present sexual moment, helps alot. A cartoon, is flat. Cartoon sex is flat emotionally. 3D is in, so to talk 360, talk at least occasionally, in full sentences.

The other key tool is the /me command. All it really does is remove that colon between your name and your text. But removing a colon is a big thing, ask anyone who has had it done. Without the colon, what you type is taken as an action. Asterix, is for amateurs. So if I type, in either chat or IM:

/me brushes her lips tenderly along your cheek.

will be seen as

Lillie Yifu brushes her lips tenderly along your cheek.

This is called an emote, and it is a key skill. In fact it is one of the key dividing lines. Go down to a top club. You will see the emotes flying - girls will be talking about how they are touching themselves, where and what the results are. All the time.

Really, it may not be all about /me, but it is close.

But there are tricks. Every emote starts with your name, so you have to phrase things carefully sometimes. The other part is that it is dommie to tell the other person what he or she feels so if a man does:

/me presses into you and you come because of his big cock inside of you.

That's the other sin of cocksmanship. Taking away the other person's ability to interact. Now if you have permission, master/slave, to do that, ok. But otherwise. Well again, if you want to tell me how I feel, you have to pay for the privilege.

So having an arsenal of emotes is a good thing. Another good thing is emoting to emphasize the animation, or riffing off of it. For example, if I am swinging around a pole, my silks flowing behind me:

/me flutters above the onlookers, her silks trailing behind her like streamers.

One time this is particularly useful is when you change animations in bed. For example in BDSM scene:

/me cries out in terror as the chains roughly yank her arms behind her back and pull her neck down exposing the pink lips of her sex to the onlookers.

Ah right, we haven't talked about that, changing positions. But let me cover one thing. So when you do start getting, well, flustered and are having trouble focusing, it gets sexy to be reduced down to grunts and squeals, because well, it shows, rather than tells, that she is... um... working that other little red nipple, on your built in laptop. Or the big joystick for you guys.

However, to keep things going even when typing one handed, why not have somethings typed in on an outside notecard, and

triple click

Another big dividing line between good and bad sl sex is using menu driven poses. Now with great typing you can have great sex with someone you like just on one pose ball, in fact, one can be imaginative as to how to have do it with a single animation, particularly if it is say, a public kiss. Use IM and emote, and you can be doing it while everyone is around, and no one will know. Though they may suspect that 15 minutes on one kiss pose ball means something.

Another exception, before I get to the rule, is BDSM, where being caught in one pose is part of the sexy. But again, emotes should underline this:

/me strains against the restraining bar as her muscles burn from being held like this for an hour, and sweat pours from her arms and legs from the pain and tension.

But in general, for it to be good, it has to be menu driven.


There are many makers of sex beds on SL, more and more small makers are coming out all the time as more and more people learn the scripts. The biggest ones are SexGen and SexxxDrive. I really like to point out the work of Paul Lobo at enjoy because he has the best animations for the boyz, and the grrl's bed at Lovers Playground. But there has been an explosion of makers of sex beds, because the script isn't really that hard, and there are tons of free sex animations out there. Load two pose balls, write up the positions, load, and there you go...

I will do my complaining about all of them later, but for now, let's look at how much better they all are than wompa wompa wompa on the pose ball.

The first obvious thing is freedom of choice. People move around in rl bed, and different postions have different sensations. This goes hand in hand with emoting, because this brings together why you are in a particular position, and it isn't just about which which hole you can reach more easily. Some are about stimulation on the inside, some are about deep penetration, some are about being able to stimulate in particular ways or particular places. If you know this, then describe it.

A lot of men learning to be better lovers go through a slobber stage. They describe in voluminous detail exactly how much attention their tongue is paying to your clit. Now attention, particularly lavish attention, is good. But there is a point where it is clear the guy is getting off on his typing and has forgotten about you. When you spend more time describing the liquids than the girl, then it isn't about the girl any more. I don't need really graphic descriptions about exactly where my effluvia is going. It doesn't really do it for me, or for most girls. The ones that like it, like to do it themselves.

The key is interaction, because that is the big difference. This isn't a "World of Whorecraft", where players spend their time interacting with things that are not players. Instead, what is important is that when you are with me, or anyone, there is a player on the other side. And that player reacts, thinks, feels and desires. I've made the slobber mistake witha client once, and it was a sharp rebuke. But the client was right, if I forget about them, then I've forgotten the point. The same applies to most people.

Interaction is underlined when emotes and animations go together, it is underlined when there is a story, and that story moves forward with both people together add to it.

So pose balls add to interaction by having a flow. The classic flow is from the kisses and cuddles, through the phases of arousal like petting and oral sex, to the harder arousal, like 69, to penetration in its various forms, and then back to after play, that kiss cuddle phase where emotional promises are made. Those sweet lies of forever, even if it is the last time you will see the other person. We need those sweet lies, because they are a different truth. When you are alone with someone after an intense experience, you can really see forever.

So far, in this blog, the language has been hard edged, partially because mechanics, game mechanics, are so much a part of doing things well. Pixel pushing, commands, pose balls, all of this, is like using the arrow keys or the pie menus. It is an ominpresent part of of our time in world. Breaking through that, into those second life moments that last, and which are beyond the manipulation of the world, are the point of learning these things. When the avatar, and his or her surroundings, become as natural to manipulate as real things in the real world.

There is a dizzy moment of things spinning out of control as you see, read, and then feel the unexpected. When the screen talks to you about the person on the other side, and what he or she feels. On the text internet, we are all screaming at each other. Here we get to send, deliberately and clearly, those non-verbal clues of gesture and motion that say so much which is outside of the range of hearing.

I've had several of those moments, when a well chosen change of position, with a well written emote, and then a bit of dialog, tell me something about how someone feels. I will remember these, as you will remember yours. I can remember a moment where I started dancing with someone, and told her "I want a romance, with you" There was a long pause, I knew the answer was no. She started. I told her "Hush, I know"

It wasn't a moment during sex, but it was a moment which touched me.

Getting such moments to happen, is the reason for learning to use the world, far beyond the pose and jerk that many people seem to find enough for them.

The ability to flow through a story, creates that ripe moment in real life, where you let yourself go, and feel for another person who you will never see, and never meet, and probably never talk to in person.


Just as you can have good sl sex with a pose ball and good dialog, you can have good sl sex with just posing and talking. But to take it farther, to do something which pushes it beyond you need to do xcite or sensations. I strongly prefer xcite.

Xcite consists of attachments, which people can touch on screen to get a menu. The menu gives actions, and those actions effect the level of arousal of the xcite system. These then talk - in green, objects talk green - to tell others, and control animations and sounds.

The HUD is where it is at, because this gives you the ability to control level of arousal, see partner, touch partner even if the animation doesn't cooperate, and so on. This too creates flow. To hold back on arousal to come together, to pull back if you don't like it, and to push it up if you do.

So this is the basic sex dance, talk and emote, shift and play animations and sounds, by using pose balls or loaded sounds, click on xcite to underline the action, and use the HUD to help respond

flow through these three points, touching the bed to change positions, talking, xciting. For your own amusement, camer to the right position.

Going through these motions in a circle between screen, menu in the upper right, and then down to chat is a dance, and it is a physical sensation. The swirling movement around and around, draws the spirit into that sense of focus where the screen becomes real, and there is confusion between the second life, and the first person.

On the iTunes my guilty pleasure Micheal Bolton album, but it is going away soon, I can't take it.


  1. "If you want to know why I charge for virtual sex, it's because most people who want virtual sex, are so baaaaaaad at it. If it is about you just getting what you want, why should I take up my time for nothing? The toys, the experience, even the internet connection, weren't free for me. The people who loudly proclaim they don't pay for sex are often really saying they only rape stupid girls who don't know any better."


    Does that mean you give the money back if you enjoy it?

  2. ...Didn't think so *cough* liar *cough*.

  3. * is for amateurs dear. If you can read the whole post and not learn this, I am very sure you aren't going to pick up on the other nuances.