Friday, July 20, 2007

The person you come to SL to meet is yourself

In chatroom, it is an abbreviation: ASL, or "Age/Sex/Location."

That's because in chatroom, the most important thing is zeroing in on who you can have sex tonight with, or at least sex this weeked with with a long drive. Chatroom names carry this in them: "NYCSexyCock79" answers the ASL question, and a bit more, right away.

SL is a lousy place to meet Ms. Sex Tonight, or even Ms. Sex This Weekend. I believe one of the reasons that the boyz are underrepresented in SL, is that they know this, and the ones that want sex tonight are elsewhere, well, getting sex tonight. It is a slightly less lousy place to go after striking out in a chatroom or sex site, or facebook haunt to get some release of tension. Even throwing voice into the mix, it will remain a lousy place to meet Ms. Sex Tonight. The ratio of women here looking for sex tonight is low, and many of the women looking for sex on SL are married. This may not bother you in your location, but trust me, it is not a long term proposition.

Sl is better for making long term relationships however than the chat space, precisely because you are meeting people based on their dreams, desires and hopes. An I swear on a stack of "How to get married" self-help books, that common goals are the most important thing for long term happiness. I hope that is true. I want it to be true.

The person you should be coming to SL to meet, is yourself. Because while SL is only middling at making an introduction to rl communities, it is very good at introducing you to a place where you can be out about whatever it is you think you might want to try out. Witness how there are special groups that are devoted to "rl lesbians only," to weed out "manbians," men playing lesbians on sl, and "slesbians," women who are heterosexual or bi rl and playing lesbians here, they are much, much smaller than the general population of avatars of the same kind.

But SL is a wonderful place to meet yourself. Meet her, or him, or them. Meet them in shape and form, in voice and activity. In her home, at his job, in her favorite haunts, at his favorite dance club, in the throes of orgasm, in the depths of despair. Whatever you want to be, what ever you are, you can be here.

I was told once "you don't know what you think, until you read what you wrote." It is very true. You don't know who you are, until you see what you did.

There are many people who have rls attached to one gender, but pursue the other gender here intentionally. I know people who have one political bent out there, and another here. The number of people who are dominant out there and submissive here, or submissive out there and dominant here, is legion. Pick your favorite line, sl is where you can smuggle yourself across it. Gender, orientation, outlook, vanilla if it is in you, it is in sl.

Many people, myself included, have had revelations here, have grown comfortable with aspects of their sexuality which recurred constantly, and only when confronted with seeing them in action, do they seem part of the whole. Impulses towards the same sex, attachment to particular sex acts. But deeper, identity, that these proclivities, desires, fantasies, are part of who you are. Or not part of who you are. Nothing cures you of a fantasy faster than doing it, and realizing that no matter how much you thought about it before, you don't like the person you are when you are doing it.

I want to be confessional here, but I think London Spengler and Jazon Beck are better at confession than I am. Confession may be the heart of a memoir, but it is also the death of a prostitute.

Instead, let me be real. SL is scattered over the world, over time zones, locations, ages. The clues are eradicated. Yes, by observation you can tell much more about someone than they admit, but less than you think, because any clue can be mimicked, more on this later.

But the one thing that can't be eradicated, the person who cannot hide their real rl, not the fake rl they live in front of other people, is you. Because here, that real rl comes out. Clearly. So many times I've been in a session, and the other person has said "I feel strange, I've never cum this hard before." Or some variation. He knows he knows, because the evidence is spattered over the keyboard in front of him, and in a trailing backwash of orgasm.

You can have sex in a closet, but not a life. Here is where the door to your closet swings open, and a cool breeze of freedom blows in.


  1. Another fine post, Lillie. As someone who has moved the hot center of his erotic life from print and image to a developing months-long evolution with a girl in SL, I resonate deeply with your words. Tonight that girl--who I started with when she was in her first week of dancing, bought her her first xcite gear, taught her how to emote in bed with clients, eventually collared her, and now 5 months later hold her dear as a concubine in her own skybox palace--mentioned to me that the creator of Arles, that beautiful build of Van Gogh's paintings in 3D, will be torn down by request of the sim owner. And it occurred to me that, running on silicone as it does, all of this is castles made of sand--except for intra- and interpersonal connection, learning, pleasure, growth, evolution, healing. Thank you for doing your part.

  2. SL is a game of people, not a game of things.

  3. "you are meeting people based on their dreams, desires and hopes."
    "You don't know who you are, until you see what you did."
    "Nothing cures you of a fantasy faster than doing it."
    "You can have sex in a closet, but not a life. Here is where the door to your closet swings open."

    If I where to comment all of this, and more I leaved, I whould double, triple the size of your post. So, thank you for sharing it with us; simply, thank you.

  4. Write it on your blog dear, you know I am one of your faithful readers.

  5. My first three months have been a flaming roller coaster ride of self discovery.

    A beautiful post. No comment I can make this morning really comes close to expressing my appreciation.

  6. I love how your posts make me think, really just stop and think, and then wonder how you are able know and express so much better than I ever could ideas which have not yet found a voice.
    I echo London in a simple..Thank you

  7. It is true that one of the things to do in SL is self discovery. It is here that you can meddle with different aspects of your personality and experience the things that you cannot do in real life. It is where your brain do its wonders and the most creative brain can do marvelous things. In Second Life, it is also where you can play with and poke at moral taboos or even express direct hate of them. One can also directly be someone in SL who in real life is categorized as absolutely obnoxious evil that must be get rid of society or even vise versa. But there's a flaw.

    There are things in real-life that you cannot do because of the imposing influence established moral taboos or even the limitations of science. In SL, you can do almost all. Build a virtual representation of mythical places or even do things that are not really you for the purposes of self exploration.

    The real life morals and standards that is carried by players in game...

    In SL, technically, should be void of real world morals. SL should be the libertarian anarchistic society where good and evil can acquire new definitions. The real life creation of bounderies of what's desirable or not or whats good or evil is caused by the instincts of man to protect himself from physical danger/harm. Too bad that the real life morals are being carried into the game and the path to true self exploration is being hindered by them.

    I agree that the person that one has to meet in game is oneself. But it is also like doing so in real life since the established norms and morals in SL and in RL are almost the same.


  8. But they don't and there are reasons for that.