What if this, is as bad as it gets?Orgy room culture and its road kill sex.

My fingers trembled when I first decided to write this article, because it involves a level of exposure and danger to my real life and person that I don't lightly undertake. You never know who anyone is, and some of the names, and I am going to name names, may be attached to real world people who will go after me with everything they have. I am going to take that risk, because this is one of the cancers of second life.

Many of the problems I describe here are in no way the fault of Second Life as a place, or Linden Labs as a company. They are far larger. Nor are they limited to one nation, and therefore cannot be blamed on the particular socio-economic facts of any particular country. The men behaving badly that I will describe here come from Europe, the US and Asia. They speak many native languages.

That they are conditions beyond our control does not mean that they can be ignored, instead they need to be faced.

This article was researched in two parts. In the first part I simply hung out in various orgy rooms and fielded the come ons. I kept a log, and stopped when I reached 100, and also tracked the number of times people engaged in broadcast come ones by voice, hopping on pose balls, or using text. The second part was far more distasteful, in it I accepted the offers and recorded what happened. The result is a picture of misogyny, egotism, parasitism and almost solipsistic self-centeredness on the part of the men involved in these places. They often make some pretense about both people enjoying it. Instead in every single case what they wanted was an auto-lubricating cock hole, and one which was instantly available to the in real life as well as in second life. There is no way to soften this: the second life search system heavily rewards a crass dehumanization of women, from which a great deal of money is made. While it is a reflection of underlying social reality, it is also an amplification of that social reality.

In the last part I will outline why this is a problem for the second life community and what should be done.

Sex Positive

Let me first state that I am pro-sex, and pro-virtual sex. People should find their bliss. However sex and sexuality are not one way consumption issues. It is imperative that communities teach the inter-subjective nature, as well as the subjective and objective nature of sexuality and sexual relationships. Communities that pander to sex as one way consumption produce a population which is inherently parasitic, and inherently unbalanced, in that it encourages predatory behavior, and coercion. I will outline the coercion experienced. If second life wants to remain attractive to women, then it needs to realize that it must curb predatory behavior, and channel impulses. This is not to preach celibacy, on the contrary, it is to talk about more good sex, as opposed to road kill sex.

I frequently remind people that there is no such thing as free sex. That applies to both men and women. Sex is a cost, and it returns based on how we decide to undertake those costs. Money is not the best way to pay for sex, but it is better than using predatory behavior and the pressure of time.

For women, we have to sort through a wave of offers and pressures, most of them from people who are delusioned and arrogant fucksticks who know nothing other than trying to impose a master/slave relationship on women, and who have no idea what to do with subservient flesh even when they find it. The pressure to play is high in itself, the needs are hard to put into words, and often the men most willing to be sensitive to our desires are the ones who are reticent. One thing to remember in this survey, is that it is the sewer of second life sex that I am describing. There is worse sex in second life, but it involves outright abuse. For consensual sex, this is as bad as it gets.

One pressure we face is from men who have complete disregard for our feelings and our needs, while sometimes making some pretense at them. Indeed, the pretense is a coercion itself, they don't want us to feel good, they want us to feel bad if we don't feel good with whatever they do. They are also eager to violate their sex partners, with huge penises, forcing fingers in orifices without asking, and pressuring for real world information constantly. If disclosure is a ToS violation, then so should unwanted pressure to disclose.

The sheer awful shallow repetitiveness of what I am going to describe is harsh, brutal and uncompromising. I have seen people reference how bad this world of sex is, and having seen enough of it, I knew that I wa in for about the worst experience in my second life. It still makes my stomach churn. But the external nature of observation was not enough. People could, if I had just reported what I have seen, made the excuse that I didn't see the private IM's or did not know what happened out of my sight. Very well, I've gone there. However, having gone there, I feel no need to spare anyone, with one exception, the exposure of the pathetic nature of the behavior. The sex I experienced writing this was beneath bestiality, because even a dog knows enough to lick his mistress.

The Culture of the Orgy Room

For the men involved in this culture, "good" sex is equated with free, immediate, to their fetish, and with them sitting back and jerking off while their partner does the work. She's also supposed to orgasm repeatedly, and love the experience so much that she wants to do it voice and cam instantly.

My method was simplicity itself, just stand there and be available, and log the approach, and how long it took for someone to ask for sex, and to ask for some level of disclosure: age, location, voice or cam.

In 100 contacts, the demand for sex was, on median, after 5 lines of chat. The demand for disclosure was in almost half of approaches, and took less than 10 lines. 9 times out of the 100, the approach was a blind offer of friendship. In 23 out of the 100 approaches there was a demand for instantaneous cam or voice. This is of course all demanded for free.

More than half were in newbie skins and hair, that is, they had not even bothered to look for basic free improvements, and yet were demanding free, custom ordered, personal sex service from a high quality avatar wearing over 8K of content between hair, skin, clothes, jewelry, scripted parts, shoes and AO.

During this same period of time there were over 80 general come ones, 5 of them by voice, which resulted in 21 couplings on the pose balls or other acceptance.

One repeated pattern was the pride in "not paying for sex." Another was that if I did not instantaneously reply, that is devote all my attention to a male immediately and completely, they lost interest or thought I was busy. Often I was, fielding the three or four other demands for sex.

From this we can see that the culture of the orgy room is not about consensual public sex or fantasy, but in attempting to profit from self-centered misogyny. More over, it is an attempt to pressure women into disclosure of their personal information, a purpose which clearly has the intent of attempting to leverage how the meeting occurred into a personal meeting.

The longest single contact tried to get me to be his, real life "chinese sex slave" and concubine, with repeated pressurings for me to be his complete submissive.

This Is as Bad as it Gets

For the first part of the survey I kept names anonymous, since, absent some actual sign of sexual interest, nothing was going to happen. I didn't set my mind against it, but I knew the likelihood of consensual sexual contact was going to be very low, since not once, in any conversation, was there an attempt to seek out my desires, merely a demand that I supply some list.

In this second part, for the purposes of cybersex, I was going to be a sure thing, provided the individual did not engage in a ToS violation, many could not even manage to do that. Should the male be able to follow through enough to do it. In many cases, even when offered free sex, they were unable to complete the virtual sex act. There is, as I said, no such thing as free sex, and the very crowd of men trying to get free sex proved to be the undoing of many, lag, crashes, slow pose balls.

My first stop was ad !Free Sex in BS.

As soon as I arrived Oliv Falworth spammed me with a picture of his naked cock. Twice. This got an AR report.

My second one was LyonFrench Korobase, during 15 minutes of virtual sex, where I emoted and talked to him, he managed exactly the following chat:

mmmmm
yeah baby
oui
u touch in rl ?

That's in 15 minutes of cybersex. So not only was I supposed to have free instant sex with him, but having some male type in "mmmmm" was supposed to make me so hot as to plunge my hand to my clit. He at least had the standard set of freeibe clothes and skin, though his pants were terrible.

Then came Magesh Jarman wanted free voice, or nothing at all. He was in complete newbie gear.

huttnard Milos demanded I follow him, fuck him, and on line three of chat, said he loved me. He was unable to mount a pose ball. He was also in complete newbie. He would later in the day, without an IM, send a teleport.



During this time there were 10 other contacts that I did not have time to follow up on.

peppibar Okey demanded free voice sex. thadon Carve, wearing demo hair from Calla, a mountain of bling and the amarylis cock, demanded anal sex. I hopped on the pose ball, waited 10 minutes, he was unable to mount the pose ball.

At this point I changed locations, it was also later in the day, and more English speakers on, who have more confidence in their approach. I have enough French and Italian to be willing to chat in those languages, and encouraged people to use their native language.

XxKATOxX Blackburn: hey babe u wana have fun on web cam with me.

Was what I got almost on arrival.

Another male, who crashed before anything could happen uttered the following line:

Sid Mathy: ..hhhmmm even if it sound desperate somehow...just a girl to spray my cum in;-))))
Me: so you want an anonymous fuckhole?
Sid Mathy:yep

He crashed before being able to follow through.

In short by this point only one person had actually been able to follow through on the sex act, and he uttered four lines of dialog.

[14:36] conner Dufaux: hey sexy
[14:36] conner Dufaux: wanna go somewhere and fuck

Now, let's look at this rationally. My profile says I am an escort. None of the places I was in forbade freelancing. Anyone at any time could have payed, gone to a lag free sim, on Second Life's most expensive sex bed and had whatever kind of sex that they wanted. But they didn't want that.

In fact these individuals who were demanding real life sex services were not willing to pay anything at all.

There is no such thing as free sex.

In many cases, quite literally, in that even when presented with what they thought they wanted: an attractive voice live woman willing to do what they wanted, except for cam and free voice sex, they were unable to follow through enough to actually have sex.

And when they did it was the most awful sex imaginable. Yet in the world of these men, they posses a large pixel penis, and therefore have an expectation of being able to gain the rl devotion and passion of someone who their entire conversation with would fit on a coffee mug.

The result of this survey shows that if orgy room anonymous sex is what you want, your best bet statistically is to hop on a pose ball, many times the person following you will be someone who is openly trans-sexual, but at least, there will be sex. But while the chances of this kind of sex are low, they are not zero. The dead zone is in the area of anonymous gratis prostitution which leads to an rl relationship.
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Many of the people who attempted to entice me to have sex could not actually ask for sex, even with a sure thing in front of them, they could not do it. Many men clearly came here directly off of orientation island, still wearing the torch and cross search.

Clearly there is a need for sex education in second life. Orgy rooms make up a large fraction of the top 20. FREE SEX, in capital letters, is promised. However, the conditions of the rape room culture make it difficult to follow through on, and the quality of the sex is terrible. Often the girls as as newbie as the guys. Some escorts hang around these rooms hoping to get customers, but I found only one occurrence of that happening when I was doing either survey, over the course of five days.

Sex education should, at minimum describe how to use attachments and poseballs. It also needs to describe basic manners, such as not pressuring for disclosure, and how to roleplay. Presently there is none of this. By not wanting to admit that sex is what many people are here for, the powers that be are inflicting a stream of individuals whose attitude towards sex and women is regressive, and therefore, destructive to our wanting to participate in second life.

I have named names of the offenders here, because they are acting in public, and in public spaces that profit from their bad behavior. Hamlet Au is fond of pointing how that the size of sex is exaggerated in the public mind. In the sense of the direct sex industry, this is to a great extent true. But one reason for the lower participation rate in sl sex than one might expect is rather simple: people are dropped in the world, left untrained, and drawn into sex environments which don't lead to anything that is faintly pleasurable. If the experience outlined here were my introduction to cybersex, I would not still be on Second Life. We are, after all talking about people who are not willing to pay the price of a coffee and a croissant for sexual services that retail at as much as $160 USD/hr. And sim owners who promise the chance of getting these services for free.

The role fo sex in our lives is broad and complex. Land sales, houses, clothes, are all to one degree or another related to the indirect sex industry, that is the industry of real relationships. It is this industry that should be fostered. It is better sex, it builds bonds, in builds community, it drives interaction, it is embedded in social interactions, rather than cutting across them. It is socially acceptable to the outside world, and therefore to corporate sponsors.

What to do about the free sex regions themselves? In one sense, nothing. That is those in operation should not have further restrictions placed upon them, though part of me is tempted to say that it seems strange that banks without assets, and gambling houses without actual chances of winning have been banned, but places that don't provide free sex, but hope that others will, don't stand up to scrutiny. However, several things are done which encourages them in the system as it is. As long as those things remain in place, LL cannot rationally say that they are divorced from the ugliness of the orgy room.

The lack of education is one, another is the granularity of the rating system. Right now there is no difference between wanting to put up an apartment to have sex with your partner, and "wanna have cam sex baby?" Clearly this lack of granularity is in appropriate, in that people need to be warned what they are getting into.

Another clear problem is the pressure to disclose, the ToS against disclosure should also apply to pressure to disclose. What should happen is a color coded contact band in the profile. Why is this? It is language independent, it could be backed by a hard and fast AR: pressure someone for cam sex who has no cam in their profile, get suspended. Period.

I write this because this is a place where people are paid 8 dollars an hour to role play getting getting mutilated and murdered, and only about 25 dollars an hour to do this on voice. This is an economy where people build for what amounts to 10 dollars a week in pay. It is only a matter of time before some smart private detective agency starts hunting these areas for married men. They will bag bunches of them quickly, and one attractive woman with a cam could easily seal the fates of a number of horny professors, computer executives and assorted other people who clearly don't get that women are people, rather than auto-lubricating phallus receptacles.

At the end I let Huttard Milos, he of one of the most ugly avatars I have ever seen in my existence here, hear the truth. That he is shit, a piece of garbage. As are all the men whose names I've mentioned here, every last one of them. And Linden Labs, and dozens of sims, feed these arrogant monsters. It is no wonder that business has a very up and down view of Second Life, because it wants, on one hand, to feed delusional monsters in their quest for something which does not exist, and on the other hand wants to be a good corporate citizen. At the same time, pressures fall on those of us in second life to make money, and often that money is in the direct sex industry. It is not a stable situation.

Paradoxically, this business helps escorts. These people are not competition for escorting, any more than Circus Circus worries about people who would rather dive in the bottom of dumpsters for food in the back after closing. These are people who are not willing to pay anything. Not merely money, but even a few hours of their time to look presentable or learn anything about pleasing women or human sexuality. Once men tire of the garbage of these places, a reasonably clean well lit place with actual interactive sex, is a very different thing. But I would happily trade the small amounts of money that fall into my pockets, in return for having a better sl, with better intake education. We dump people into VR with less of a mention of how to protect themselves than undergraduates get their first day of matriculation. Undergraduates manage to get into a great deal of trouble.

I am not, and cannot be, anti-sex. However, this kind of sex is not doing anyone any real good, and instead creates a supply of individuals who must be dealt with by the clubs, freebie locations and so on that they come out of. It has taken some time to write this piece. I am still a bundle of rage that people who own these sims are upstanding members of the community, while those of us who do things which are far more pleasurable to the participants, and far less anti-social, are under enormous social pressure. Being a pimp, is respectable. The solutions to these problems, admittedly, lie far outside of LL, or the Second Life Community. They are not limited to Sl, there are French, Italian and other men in this list. However, things such as the traffic system, and insufficient signals, are designed to encourage this. One man, a married man who let slip the institution he works for, was incredibly enthused by the orgy room. I have left his name out, because he revealed enough to me that I could have found his rl and called his wife. I probably should have,

This is sex so bad that bestiality looks good in comparison. These are, admittedly, the sewers of sl sex. My hands still tremble with anger and humiliation, at precisely what these places demand women be. At precisely what kinds of men are willing to be horrifically ugly, and incredibly stupid, and demand sex from the beautiful of sl. Would LL put up with people calling them up on the phone and demanding a free sim?

Then why do they inflict these people on the rest of us? I am not talking about paying for virtual sex with an escort. I believe, in the end, that the vast majority of sex should be in the context of consensual relationships, and that escorting is for a particular niche of desire. But these are people for whom finding a freebie box is too much effort. Who say "I love you" after two chat exchanges.

And who often don't actually end up having sex, or have such sex as could not be called fit for human consumption.