Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Most Guys Can't Find Ass with Two Hands and a Landmark
Or, some helpful hints on how to see and not just look.

Why Most Guys Can't Find Ass With Two Hands and A Landmark.

This is a post that could be too harsh. Honestly, I've rewritten it several times, because it is easy to go on too much about how guys fail to find sex on second life, or in the real world. Part of this is that most guys don't pay attention, and the other part is that most guys don't have the self confidence they need.

The reality, from the point of view of a woman, is that there are lots of guys, and very few men. You can be a flawed man, and that is still acceptable, because it is manliness which is most attractive. A guy is ruled by his eyes. His emotions surge and crest based on the buttons that other people push. To be a man is to be able to leap, jump, and turn at your own command.

The difference between men and women is not that it is any easier for a woman to find the right person. It is that if you lower your standards enough as a woman, there will be men willing to be with you. You don't have to be attractive, or even average. Any woman on sl can get a sex partner, of some kind, just by showing up at an orgy room, or joining a free sex list. IRL a single posting to Craigslist with the little of "I want it tonight!" will get, probably 100 responses in the space of a bit more than an hour. This is why guys who run around propositioning everything they see are annoying. We don't need them.

The reverse of this however, is our reality. That's what you have to start doing if you want to do well on SL, pay attention, and start thinking of things from a our point of view. It is just as hard to sort through offers as it is to make offers. There is no such thing as free sex, and that goes in both directions.

What do we talk about alone? Yes, shopping, yes, chick culture. But sooner or later the topic turns to "where are all the good men?" We ask our girlfriends who have good men where and how they met, and how they keep them. We ask the people who are newly enthroned in possible good relationships what the new man is like. The ones that don't chuckle about the guy passing through their lives, or bemoan being single.

So why is it with all these men wanting sex, and with women wanting to be in a relationship that has sex as a component, there is such a mismatch?

It starts from our reality, namely we don't have to be trying to get offers. Not at all. If I go to inventory, pick out my building clothes, which are nothing more than pants, sandals, an updo and a t-shirt top, I'll get propositions. That means when one of us is interested in one of you, specifically, we aren't going to vamp up.

Let me say a few words about being vamped up as a kind of frame around this discussion. If you see one of us wearing great clothes, it isn't to get you to ask us for sex. Most likely, it is because the person you see wants to feel sexy. Or because she has someone, and wants to remind him how sexy she is. In either case setting the sexy slider up, does not mean the fussy slider is down. If anything a woman who looks attractive, and knows she looks attractive, and feels good about looking attractive, is more likely to have a sense of her self-worth is more likely to have her defenses higher and her standards higher. It's like shopping, if I have the attention of the sales associate, I'm going to make her bring out everything that I might be remotely interested in. Vamping up is to make sure that if one of us notices one a man, he will notice back. The other offers are boxes of shoes that we didn't really want to begin with. If you are a guy looking for cheap random sex, then the thing to do is not to proposition the well dressed to kill, but to proposition the people who have intentionally or not, made themselves look dowdy and not put together. She's unhappy with herself, and therefore has a better chance of lowering her standards.

Instead, if we've got our eye set on someone, we want to send him a signal that we are interested, without sending a signal to a wave of other male attention. This is because we want to talk to him and not every various guy out there. If we are attracting other guys, it is simply to provide enough of a challenge to engage his sense of capturing the fair maiden from the crowd. This is why I say that most guys can't find ass with two hands and a landmark. Over and over again I've seen men have a woman interested in them, and not responds. So you, they guy reading this, are saying "so she should be more obvious!" But if she were, she'd be surrounded by those other guys.

So what should you do?

It seems to me that guys are always on the prowl, that they want to be able to meet anyone anywhere. However, we want some control. We want a place where there is enough of a barrier so that men who aren't really interested don't waste our time. We don't want to be just another number on your browse through the meat market. Really, it's not a turn on. We also want the barrier to be low enough, so that men will feel that it is alright. At work, it is delicate, because at work if you get the reputation of being on the hunt you are seen as desperate, and guys avoid the desperate, probably drunk, loser chick. Or you get the wrong kind of attention.

The other thing we want is some place where the man will pay attention. This is because we want to send him, and only him, signals of interest. Other people will tell that they are not invited to that oh so private party that is happening right in front of them. The rest of the world disappears, even if it is crowded, and there is just the two of us.

So what are you, the man, looking for. One thing is the touch. The touch is anything which shows that we've made a special effort. An example is no copy jewelry. It probably isn't just pillaged out of the outfits folder, we put it on for a reason. That touch says that we want to look extra special. The other touch is if a woman wants to go shopping with you. If she wants to clean you up, she's got a reason. The touch goes far beyond things like this however. The touch is when she picks you out, asks you for something, like say, to dance. It's what you hope for isn't it? A woman's touch in your life? Well then respond when the first one is offered.

Another thing to look for is, the follow. The follow is when one of us is willing to go along with your lead. We put ourselves in your hands. It's tough to follow a man. In real life, there are signals of the follow you don't get here, so you have to listen more closely. The follow is when a woman starts complimenting specific things, and asking those kinds of leading questions that are an invitation to show off. Not the general kind, but the specific kind. What the follow is asking is whether you can do things for us. Surprise us, maybe even shock us. Make something that flowers into our eyes and makes the world brighter.

The follow is one of your best opportunities as a guy. It's what you should plan for. And have a good plan. It's also something you can't force with too early by asking to go someplace alone. You see, the time to ask that question is when we already are alone, and the crowd is getting annoying. When it is time to pay closer attention. When the lag is intolerable.

Then there is the look. The look is the one few men fail to notice, but they often fail to follow it up. What is it? Well everyone knows it, it is the full on compliment, the press of attention. The compliments, the sense of putting you on a pedestal. When I am paid to escort, a good fraction of the time, it is just enough to go through the motions of the look and the guy is having his world rocked.

Now why do I put them in this order? Because the touch is the most common approach, the follow is next, and the look is last. If you, a guy, are waiting for the look, then you are missing out on most of your chances. As importantly, the thing to do after getting the look is to lead back down the trail. That's right, you make an offer to follow, and that often involves a chance for the touch.

Let me say what I mean more exactly by giving a kind of do and don't list. Don't say "do you want to go someplace more private?" It only works when you already have things in hand. Say something like "a friend of mine just opened a gallery, I think you 'll like the pictures of flowers she does." That's an invitation to follow. An invitation to touch is something like, "You've got marvelous taste, I've been looking for a carnation for this tuxedo, can you take me someplace that might have them?"

As with many things, the world is in reverse order for men and women. The look is something that generally comes at the end, not the beginning, of the connection. That point when we're bubbly and happy and giddy. Instead, feel your way along by touches and follows first, and the world will look different. I mean, women can tell which women are desperate, which woman is open to offers from unexpected quarters, and which women have their eye set on some man. If you start looking for women the way we look at each other, then you'll see a very different womanscape out there. Start looking at the women who are in the right places, who've put on the extra touch, who are showing signs of being willing to go where you lead them, and who have turned their eye on you and want to add that little touch that will make you oh so much better. If you think about it, that's because in a relationship, we want a man who can surprise us, a man who can take us places we've never been, and at the same time be secure enough to let us touch, tease and toy with even the most private parts of his external existence.

This is because what women want are men. Men are defined by the fact that they can't be lead around by their eyes. OK, no matter what we will from time to time lead you around by your baser reflexes. It's even fun. But mostly, we don't want guys who are chasing around getting lucky, but men who can make their own luck. All these signals, the touch, the follow, the look, are meant to weed out guys who aren't paying attention, and can't make things happen, and find the men who are.

Now here is the thing to always remember as a man. Getting to that giddy happy state of having the right man is hard. Just spend some time looking at women who have just fallen in love. What is the first thing they talk about? Uh huh, that's right. If you are a man who can make a woman giddy happy, then you have something that is rare and valuable. That's why serial propositioning, forcing things the wrong way, or being clueless, are death to your chances of getting what you really want.

So what about vamp hunting? I mean, I know you want me to dish on how to get the hottest best dressed woman in a crowd. Well, that's for another time. But before I do that, i am going to cut the other direction, and write something that I've wanted to write for a long time, and that is how to sort out the lame and the losers from the gems. If men make the mistake of being too easily distracted by the tramps and the vamps, then we all too often make the mistake of falling into relationships that are bad for us.

1 comment: