Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Rape Play in Second Life

Being forced to have sex, or forcing sex, is a common fantasy. This is becasue the work of worrying and thinking about the future is a burden, and this is one way to turn all of that off. It is, if you think about it related to things like submission, put also to thinks like marriage fantasies. The future doesn't matter, so go to sleep that worrying thinking part of the fore brain.

Now what you will learn on Second Life is that selling sex is, at best, a break even proposition. Instead the way to make money is to sell access to someone else's free sex. Whether a formal ball room or an orgy room, the owners are taking a hefty cut for providing a place where people hope to get free sex from someone else. Personally I think any place that advertises "free sex" should be required to have girls on station to provide it, because if I were to put upa sign that said "free money" and didn't give out any, then I'd be in trouble fairly quickly. Could a sim owner really say that they hoped someone else would show up and hand out free money, and they were just creating a space which encouraged it?

In otherwords, rape play in second life, like most things, is a traffic draw for a mall...

I have a great deal more respect for places that set up a roleplay slpace, because they don't promise free sex, but they do let you bring your own.

I went out to look at the state of rape role play in second life, for the simple reason that no one writes about it. I also had the feeling that as with many things, there would be many people hanging around the edges, without the courage to come out and do it. As is usual, I had rules going in, so that I would not have my own reflexes or biases take charge when things got going. My first rule was that, unless required, I was not going to wear a victim tag. This is because this is rape play. I was going out to be raped. A guy who doesn't have the ability to at least start the roleplay, or make some kind of approach, isn't looking for rape play, he's just interested in free sex.

The first place I went to had two people playing out a rather ordinary lesbian sex scene. they were amateurs about it, but they were at least having fun. But of the three men that walked up in my vicinity, none hand the courage to do more than look and stare. The next place I went to a sub came up to me and wanted me to dominate him.

The next place had an established couple, and two guys doing the hop on a pose ball approach. Now I ask you, rape play where the vic has to throw herself in the way? However the master let one of the randoms in and things got going. The girl moaned in voice. Going is going. It was slut play, not rape play, but going is going.

I got randomly caged by Koebi Tachikawa, reported him to banlink and ar'd. It's clearly a throw away account. Come2Me Carter was attacking people with griefer weapons, didn't care that he was reported. He's a paying member, and many of them believe that LL will put up with anything rather than cut loose someone who pays. Come2Me Carter is a griefer, and seems to think himself immune: "That's what SL is for!" Two in one hour makes me willing to say that Force Park it seems to accumulate griefers.

Two other people started roleplaying a rough sex scene while I was filling out the reports...

The summary I would have here is that people who are interested in dark sex are more serious about actually having sl sex. This should be a lesson to newbs in orgy rooms, if you want random hook ups, don't be looking for someone's rl, and do take some time to be invested in Second Life, and you will be surpised at what you can find...

What I decided to do was simple join a group and ask. No one was available in the first rape group that I joined, and so I went back to the fall back plan ... asking on a free sex group. I quickly had an offer, his avatar was reasonably handsome and well equipped. The first place we went to we were griefed trying to do the scene, so we went else where. He was relatively able at the role play, and it certainly seemed to please him. But he said that his more normal fare is ordinary romantic fun. (Slightly editted transcript here. His name, and any references to by standers has been removed.)

In a way this tells me something very hopeful. Despite many people's thinking about dark role play and rape in sl, the reality is that what most people want is ordinary emotional connection. You are more likely to be griefed than find a partner for extreme roleplay, in fact during the time I was doing this I saw relatively ordinary slut roleplay going on.


  1. Rape is about exerting power and control, it's not about sex.

    The consensual nature of this role-play does not at all excuse the inexcusable interpersonal dynamics.

    One may as well be role-playing tearing wings off butterflies.

    (Or stuffing lit firecrackers into live frogs, for that matter, as our fearless leader did when young whilst RL roleplaying . . . )

  2. I disagree. Rape is about rape itself. Neither the power, nor the sex, are anything more than incidental to what is an explosion within one person that seeks to annihilate itself by way of annihilating another person.

    However, rape the fantasy is not about rape the reality. Many, many, many people have fantasies of being forced or rape, or forcing or raping. This is because rape the fantasy is about volcanic explosion of passion, which is connected both with suspension of expectation, and with the psychological acceptance of what risks pregnancy and birth entails. It takes a pretty bad rape to do as much to a woman's body as an ordinary pregnancy.

    I did this piece because I believe, in most cases, while there is a great deal of focus on the extreme in SL sex, that it represents a very, very, very tiny fraction of the actual sex in sl. That instead what most people want is a relatively ordinary connection, which has perhaps been heightened by the presentation of fetish.

    And that is what I found: I was more likely to be non-consensually griefed, than to find a consensual sex role player for the rape in rape areas, or on a rape group... even though, in one case, I was willing to offer doing the scene with the person (more on that topic another day).

    So no, I don't think there are things that are beyond the reach of fantasy, nor things that are beyond the reach of roleplay. There are things that I think we should discourage people from profiting from however.

  3. Respectfully, I must disagree.

    Particularly as regards your final sentence in your second paragraph.

    Ordinary connection -- good thing.

    Non-consensual -- bad thing SL or RL. Worse in RL

    Wishing to cause harm to others -- that is just not okay.

    It's like tearing wings off butterflies.

    What's up with that?

  4. In the sense of, deliberately causing harm to another being would be useful/acceptable exactly because -- why?

  5. Because we are dealing here with symbols, not realities. The question is what those symbols mean and how we deal with the subterranean reality they reflect.

    I'd never live under a monarchy, but there is no reason not to roleplay fantasy settings with kings and queens.

    I am non-violent irl, but I don't object to combat games in sl.

    In fact, I think the world would be much better off if we could deal with our negative impulses through play and games, and not have to act them out.

  6. Having been a 'victim' of an attempted rape in RL and playing in a sim where rape is considered fairly usual (Midian), in SL... I can saw the two things bear very little resemblance with one another... Why?

    Mostly because in SL rape _Is_ consensual. Nothing can keep you logged in and going through the motions if you chose to not to be part of it.

    However RL rape is quite alot of trying to take power over someone in the most intimate way possible physically. I've seen far far worse done mentally and emotionally, but physically it tops the list and in fact as a physical act does leave plenty of emotional & mental scars.

    I don't object to SL rape scenes. Though I don't participate in them really either... Having said that I know some very messed up men in SL who really couldn't care less for 'normal' sexual relationships and only want the violent passions of rape scenes... & Frankly I wish I knew less of those as they tend to be a vocal minority that decries 'normal' relationships...