I see many people around me becoming successes at SL. London is going to be a success.
I know at this point that I am not going to be one of them, instead, it seems that SL failure is coming soon to me. That's simply the way it is. I can't make gadgets that everyone has to have, I can't promote the shapes I do well enough, even though many of them are far better than shapes sold for much more. People over pay for bad work so that they can find it in a camper ladden search. That is what they want, and what LL wants to provide.
As failure creeps up on me, it seems useful to think about it.
The one thing I am any good at in SL, for money, is being an escort. Part pixel prostitute, part ear to lean on, part whore. There is a difference between being a prostitute and being whore, and it is important to keep in mind the difference. But to make a living at this requires going cam. I don't begrudge cam girls, in fact, because they have taken such a huge piece of their identity and fixed it in video, I hope that they do well. Having paid the price for entry into that world to the patriarchy, or whatever you choose to call a system that pays very smart women lots of money to play with their clit in front of a video camera, I hope in a desperate way that it works out for them. The alternative is so much worse.
I don't feel jealous of London, she is both a wonderful person, and has a gift for doing what people need. A gift I don't have.
Many of the people who have been sl successes are truly nasty people. They are like normal people, only much worse. More hate filled, more control oriented, more vicious. I won't name any names, because it is pointless. Their viciousness as people is part of their success, they know weakness, and they exploit it mercilessly. I can only have respect for people that build empires and work them, because that is their karma.
But I am neither a good sl cog, nor a good gadgeteer, nor a good land lady. In fact, I am much better at being a cog rl. However, it was the point to come her and not be a cog. I can be a cog elsewhere, and be paid well for it.
Failure hurts. I cry about this, dry tears and wet sobs. But it is also the result of the personna I chose and the reasons for being. Instead, I am product. Knowing interesting people like me is what Linden Labs sells. But they are going to squeeze you of all the money, since they control the bridges that you have to pay, and leave none. Since I'm not enough of a whore to be profitable, but too much of one to be invisible, it is me you buy when you pay tier or your membership to LL. And when I go away, there will be someone else to replace me.
There are still hopes for Lillie, I'm writing two novels, and I think I can sell one. There is still hope for my rl, a great deal of it I think.
No, I'm not leaving SL, far from it. This is not a good-bye post by any stretch of the imagination. But from here on in, I am not going to try and be a success, or make an institution. It seems a good time to finish building Yedo, and then see if someone else will run it, or just sell it off. Why pay alot for something I can do in a 30x30 skybox? I can rent space on some island for that, and have my play pay for itself.
I'm sorry to all the people who placed faith in me. I'm not strong enough, or some other things. It is my fault and my own choices, I know.
But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
Or for those that prefer it in rhyme here.