Turning of the wheels

Without any fanfare, a year ago, one Lillie Yifu dropped into the world. She looked awful. Her player broke down and cried. This was second life? More like the third or fourth circle of hell.

Well I got help, I did some photoshop work for someone, and told him he had no talent as a builder. He challenged me to do better, I think, by now, I have. I also knew, from the first, I was going to be an escort. I was hired by two clubs, my first regular escorting date was a disaster, I didn't know enough to demand money first. The club owner had to threaten the patron with expulsion. He paid up. 1000L, minus 150L for the room rental, in order to tell this guy, who was awful, that he was a sex god. I was so boilingly mad when he told me he wasn't going to pay. But it was an important lesson. That lesson is that what people want is to reach through the screen to another person, or to have another person reach through the screen to them. I have kept meaning to quit escorting, but cannot. It has a hold on me. Last night I was paid for a cyber session, and it boiled my blood with adrenaline. It was the alluring twin to that anger of the first night.

I began working a bondage club and began working a casino.

The bondage club was crazy. Drama. Drama. Drama. And a constant supply of money. But the major patron hated me, and broke character to scream in IM at me. I have not forgotten him, nor will I ever forgive him. But that is the way a hobby that masks as an industry often is. So many people do this because they have a personal need to be a whore, and take what little money it gives. For me the need is completely different. I can't say never, because I think every woman has had the hooker fantasy, to be so desirable a man will just pay more money than he can reasonably afford for a very small moment of pleasure, but I can say that in a life inside my own secret garden, it was one of the less tended flowers.

But there I knew from descriptions that the economy was clogged and choked, the rules were ornate, the learning curve steep, and there was exactly one commodity that a young woman could sell at the beginning of coming here. Virtual affection, virtual sex.

The casino more than took up the slack, but it was very random. I could stand there for an entire evening and get nothing. Then in the middle of one night I had cyber sex with a patron. He sent me over 100 USD by paypal. What he wanted was simple, I was to be his whore. I was to hang on his arm, coo over his winnings, and when he lost, he would do abusive things to me. I've done much worse since them. But for four hours of work. That kind of money...

Addiction.

On that first day I told an escort broker, someone who placed escorts, as was a habit of that time, "I am going to go as far as I can go." She laughed at me. I'm standing in one of the sims the group I belong to owns, and remembering her fondly. In her search for sensation, and where it took her.

Those early days... Because I was clubbing of freelancing, and was unfinished as an avatar, I had cyber sex with more people that since. Every day two new people on average. Almost never the same person twice. I was learning style, I was learning how to cultivate image, I was learning things about the hidden recesses of the male mind that I had not ever understood. About the shape of its libido.

Men, we all joke, are simple. This is only half true. The other half is that men while they are simple once they are unbound, chain themselves in peculiar ways. They tie their desires in nots,only to volcanically erupt. From the naked newbies running around demanding free fucks, as if women were just men with holes, to the most baroque vampire fantasy, it is these chains that virtual reality both makes visible, and snaps like twigs. This snapping often flows over to real life.

Men bind themselves. And we to them. How else can you explain that I just spent my rez day post talking about their needs and wants, and them, rather than anything that is really of me. Except that one thing that people keep wanting to know. I do this because I am addicted. I am successful because I am not addicted to playing the game, nor to winning the game, but to proving that I am above the game.